Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
