and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
