Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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