He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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