can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
