I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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