so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
