She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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