Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A bitchslap is in order.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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