yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
