just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
