I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
