I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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