remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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