I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
