my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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