Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
