ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
no you cant smoke seaweed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
