Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize