"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Help me help you realize you are a moron
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
