Just fell off a train. Bad.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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