just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
