OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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