she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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