I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
