this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
