yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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