I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
