6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
