he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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