She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
