what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
