I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
