oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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