i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
