maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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