Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
