Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
