The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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