If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Farmville is her only friend.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
