Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
