getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
