I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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