he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
