listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
