the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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