Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We're too hungover to prance.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
