When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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