Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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