Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
