Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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