Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
