Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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